Help your child's emotions with Tappy Bear

Have you felt frustrated during lockdown? Confused? Worried? Sad at losing your usual freedom and way of life? If you have children at home, this time has had its own special challenges, with many of the older ones having to be home-schooled in between the parents’ working from home.

Each age group has had its own difficulties to overcome, and I think it has been especially hard for the little ones, who have no concept of how long a day or a week is, let alone a month or a year! Their whole world changed all of a sudden. I used to take my 2 year old out somewhere every single day, where she would come into contact with a lot of other people at playgroups, the playground and parks, meeting up with friends, going to cafes and restaurants, the petting farm, and even just going around the shops was exciting for her. All of that stopped overnight and she was at home for months with only her family.

She seemed to be managing really well, but things started to open up and the prospect of starting preschool without Mummy there with her was looming.

Naming and validating emotions

Small children are unable to even name all of their emotions, let alone express them in words. Many times a screaming fit or tantrum seems to us grown-ups to be unreasonable and ‘naughty’, but perhaps the child is tired, bored, hungry, over-stimulated, sad, confused, worried, frightened, or just plain angry at something.

I have found a ‘tapping bear’ to be really useful in helping my daughter with all of this. Firstly, it helps her to put a name to her emotions. When we tell our child, ‘You seem really cross!’ it helps her to understand that this is what ‘cross’ feels like.

Then, we can connect with our child by guessing at the reason, ‘Is it because you wanted to put your socks on by yourself but mummy did it’? This helps her to feel seen, heard, understood and validated.

How to make and use a tapping bear

Add in tapping and the results can be really magical. Here’s how I use a tapping bear.

1. Get a bear that you like the look and feel of. It might be best to choose a new (or second hand one), not just use one your child already has. Make it a special designated Tapping Bear.
2. Sew or stick some buttons on the tapping points (see diagram below). Make sure they are securely and safely attached, especially if your child is very young and there is a risk of her pulling them off and putting them in her mouth.
3. When your child is upset about something, take the bear and tap on the points, talking to it as if it is your child. For example, ‘You look really cross. You didn’t want Mummy to help you with that. You wanted to do it by yourself. Now you don’t want the socks. Don’t want them! Get away, socks! Get away, Mummy! Cross. Angry. Disappointed. That was really annoying of Mummy.’
4. More often than not, your child may after a while come closer and engage with the process in some way, joining in with the tapping or adding words. There may be shifts in her feelings, words or actions. After some days or weeks you may notice that the old behaviour has shifted for the better.

If you’d like some one-on-one help with your tapping bear, or to use EFT to solve parenting issues, contact me to arrange a free 20 minute chat about how I could help you!

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